Drafts 

Hey, i love u. Bye.

This needs updating.. :(
SO! YAY! We're dating again.. You gave me quite a scare the last time, i almost died. But PHEW, it wasnt for long!!!! :D :D :D
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But you know... I dont get whats in your mind anymore. How you feeling, what youre thinking.. HOW youre thinking. i cant read them as well. my guesses are wrong.. i dont know why. i wish i knew what youre thinking. i wish youd tell me. but you just keep it inside you... sometimes, i feel like i dont know you anymore. who's this guy who used to love me so much? how did he changed so much? maybe cuz he's getting old? maybe he just wants things to change? does he want everything to change? me included? i dunno. i really dont. id wish you really tell me. im receiving mixed signals. i dont know if i should be wary or should i embrace it..
if only you could tell me how you are, what youre feeling, how your brain works. maybe i wont be too paranoid.. and giving too much false assumptions. haha you're weird zakir.. so strange. but i love it. it's crazy. haha. ily. :P
♥

♥oh and last thing.. pls dont delete this blog... if its gonna hurt to see it here, just private to yourself ok?? then i can log in to read... or something. just dont delete this. i beg you... i love you... mmmuacks... and you wouldnt mind if i updated this right? a bit more often.. :) i want this blog so much. i kinda love it here. its my happy place. i love you.

28 April 2009~1 April 2011

hey baby. :) its been a long time since you updated it so i supposed this blog is dead. but not to worry, ive always been re-reading your posts up till now. it makes me blush, and i feel really happy.

And since this blog is rarely updated, i doubt people will be reading this anymore (except me!hee). so! i want to write you a blog post for you only. about us.♥

we've been through a lot this year. so so many problems. i guess God's testing us real hard this year neh?!!!! but this one we had recently, was the worst of all problems and im sure you'll agree. ive been thinking for the past 8 days who was at fault. well, it was kind of your fault. but at the same time, it was mine too. it was our fault. you were confused and panicky over the situation and you just didnt know what to do. and when you did, it was all wrong. you cute silly thing. :) i, on the other hand, got pretty stuck with my emotions. i have to admit, i overthink and it did caused a lot of commotion. not only that, i should have been more understanding but all i did was be overprotective over things.. i did overreacted a bit. ok. maybe not a bit. a WHOLE LOT... and im sorry ok?

honestly, all you had to do was did what you did today then i would have forgotten all those nasty days since your orientation camp. all i need was a hug, sweet kisses and talking it out (eventhough i cried a river...) that was all i need to fall in love with you again.

but, well... i was hard to interpret. :( i know that. im so difficult, i hate myself!!!!!!!! everytime i reacted a certain way, all i wanted you to do was to do the exact opposite of it and be firm about it. but of course, my expectation made things far more worse than it already is. and ok, thats another reason why this happened to us.

but whatever! its not important anymore. because once the clock strikes 12, i wont be able to call you my baby anymore. not even darling, sweetie... can i call sexy or handsome instead? HAHAHA. Jk! how bout cutie? ;) HAHA. nah. marielyn, stop it. ok.

its sad cuz i want us to be together... i want you to be my boyfriend. no one else. but because you said you're dont feel committed these days, i went along with your idea... that we stay as special friends. i thought to myself 'well, its better than a complete break up'.... but i love you no matter what.

OK! im sidetracking here. the main reason why im blogging is because i want to share our memories here. and how i felt today. i felt this is the best place to type down because i love everything about this blog eventhough it's not mine.

baby.. theres so many memories i love about us. i dont know which to talk about. haha. anyway... how bout something you never knew about the memories?? hrmm.. lemme see. i cant think of one. i think i told you all of it. :( haha.. never mind. i love them all, those memories.

you know i dont have a really good memory so if the story is abit off, i hope you still remember them right. hee. anyway, baby, remember the time when we met for the first time and i finally realised you? it was that time when we played a game and you lose and i dared you to buy me chocolates and you got to give it to me before assembly or something? i remembered how nervous you are when you gave me the crumpled 7-eleven bag with lotsa chocolates inside. you were so cute! and remember the first time we actually REALLY talked together, like really really talk? it was during speech day... we talk so much cuz of ms hafizah(eventho she's a bit you know.. but theres so much to thank her for. dont ya think?) remember the first meeting?? you were so late.. >.< and syibli made me talk to you on the phone but i kept putting down the offer? remember our first valentines day? i wont forget that day... its one of my favourite moments eventhough you were so so nervous.. haha! oh! and the sentosa trip. where we took the photos.... then.. my 15th birthday when you 'proposed' to me to be your girlfriend. it was beautiful, that moment... i knew i wouldnt be alone anymore. oh oh! our first date! xD the swensen's incident will always be my favourite and that time i was really really sick. and then you sobbed a bit during the movie... theres so many others i cant fit everything in... i want to type it all out.... for you and me to reminisce when we miss each other from tomorrow onwards! OMG! 46 minutes more minutes before we're not lovers anymore!!! i need to rush!!!!! okok... next on the agenda... hrm... SHIT. did i say lovers? o.o kk... haha! !!!!!

ok...

hrmm.... things i love about you.. i always want to write it down... so this feelings wont fade while i wait for you. i love so much about you! i dont know where to begin. hrm... wait. i dont think i should write it here. a bit too private. haiyo. its ok. i have a diary at home. :) all about you. so, i should be fine remembering the feelings. :) hee. hrm. hrm. then lemme talk about something else.

i dunno what to say....

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oh ya! about today... i want to talk about today. k, i might cry telling you this. but i want to, and i want you to know.. i want to tell you personally but i dont think theres enough time esp since you wont be able to call me before midnight. and after midnight, everythings gonna end. i dont want that to happen. so here i go. *deep breath*

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dear zakir,

today, i was so glad i met you.. i felt a tinge of happiness somewhere within me when i saw you... we ate lunch together..... i couldnt look you in the eye or even want to share your food cuz i know i might burst into tears anytime then. but you still tried to talk to me, offer food to me.. it was really nice. but then, i saw sadness in your eyes while we ate silently at times and i wondered if it was just me. i love our last lunch together as a couple, eventhough we didnt talk much. i really do.

then while we walk, you asked me what i wanted to talk about.. i said we should set up some groundrules so this wont happen... but you didnt like the idea of it.. we sat down.. kept quiet and after while we talked about what was bothering me. i told you and i just couldnt stop the tears.. and its not only because i was upset over it but also i felt so relieved and happy you wanted to hear me out. when you kept asking me whats wrong, when you hugged me and told me you still loved me no matter what you did and you gave me sniffed or kissed my hair, i was so glad. 'yes, at last. all i ever needed..' i thought to myself. and cried and cried and cried.. and eventhough i felt that way, i told you about some other issues not worth mentioning here that bothered me.. when you started sniffling, sobbing on my shoulders... i knew i had to forgive you. i couldnt take it when youre like that. i knew its time we make up. i should forget it and we should make up today... but how do i do that? i didnt came up with anything.

after we felt better, we walked... holding hands, so tightly, leaning on you while walked. i loved it. every moment of it. it gives me the tingles whenever i thought about it. and then you came up with the idea of this. and i thought to myself how i ruined this relationship so bad because of my behaviour towards it. and then you talked about it.. explained it.. and you seem to like it a lot.. the idea... i could see you wanted it. you even told me you're not fully committed to me these days. after a while, i thought about it and finally agreed with you eventhough it hurts so much that we have to part and be just special friends. i love you and if that makes you feel better, i'll go ahead with it baby. we decided that we'll be special friends for now and wait till you're 23 and me, 22, and of course, both still single, when we're going to decide if we want to continue to be a couple again. it was sad. it was too long. but i know its best for you. and me too i guess.

then we went there... we hugged and kissed for the last time. i hugged you and cried... you cried too... and at that moment, i just wished time would stop.. just like the short video i think i told you about before. did you watch it?? the one where the man's wife died and he got teleported to her camera and wanted to stay with her in there for the rest of his life just to be with her? i wanted that to happen too... but it didnt.

why did this happen? why did god gave us such a fate to part? did i not pray enough? is it because of the way i treat you?? is He teaching me a lesson?? but why this?! WHY THIS. I DONT WANT THIS. I WANT US. I JUST REALLY WANT US.

can i take my words back? gobble it down and let it just die in my stomach? no, i cant. i pinky swear-ed. i wont break it. now, all i can do is to love you until then... and while i wait, im going to change myself.. to someone whose more beautiful, skinnier, fit.... and a better person in general. i will be your woman of your dreams. you just wait and see. and if that doesnt happen, then... i will be happy for you with that someone else... but dont regret ok?

haha. ok. wait. i was just kidding with the last sentence. serious!! pinky swear. if you fall for someone else, it means she treats you so much better than i did. and i will accept that. i will embrace both of you and let you know that i'll always be there for you.. and her... i'll always be your special friend. for life.. unless we got back together.. then... we'll be more than special.

true love will always find their way back together, right baby zakir??

i believe you.. i trust you.. i will wait. for my true love to come back to me in 6 years time. i love you zakir. so so much. believe me, i do. wait for me too k?

yours truly,

marielyn.

PS: i know this post is all messed up. im sorry.

I dunno what to blog about..

Hmm.. Lemme see. Erm. Its been ages since I last blog. I was lazy to blog. I watched movies. Shrek and Karate Kid. Awesome movie btw! xD Made wanna learn kung fu. Hmmm...
Its funny. Why call the movie Karate Kid instead of Kung Fu Kid? O.o This is dumb don't u think?? Oh. And I have new tuitions.. One for Maths and one for English. Speaking bout English.. My blur English teacher Ms Khoo didn't calculate my paper 1 marks properly. =.= Erh! You're so dumb!!! Could have gotten a B3.. :(
Oh yah.. Yesterday, went to some deserted Jurong West place with Marielyn and my other friends and also 2 people I dunno, at Fico? Kinda like futsal? To play soccer.. Yep. Then the rest of the day sucks. I'll forget dat day soon.
Oh.. I almost completed my holiday hwk. (: Left with dat blur sotong's hwk. =.=
Annoying. I'm planning to spend my last holiday week to revise every subject. Each day a subject. (: I hope I'll be so prepared for O Levels by then. Oh, I hope I won't be busy for that week. Please?? Dx Haizz.. I don't think I went out of the house enough for this holiday.. Quite sad huh? :( Oh, does anybody knows who is the new American Idol? O.o I just thought of it.. Is it Lee?
I wanna watch Eclipse.. The trailer look so cool. :)
Just go out with Jacob, Bella.. He's buffer than the white stick. But don't make him angry k? I know how it feels if someone you love hurts you. :) You'll turn into a wolf.
Have you guys watched the MTV Movie Awards?? :D Its so hilarious! Last year it was Bruno who made me laugh like crazy but now its the Chinese dude from the Hangover and Role Models! xD He dances in a sexy tiger suit!!! HAHA! Can see his ass cheeks!! xD so white! Like baby's ass!
Yeah.. :) Guess dats all I have to say. Wow. I didnt know I blogged so much. :P I guess I had a lot of stuff to say. Heh. Making a vlog is easier dont you guys think? I'm a shy person. I wont show my true colours unless I'm comfortable enough. I wasnt hyped enough for the emceeing of DGIG 2010. Maybe something happened a day before it?
I dunno.. Oh well. See ya later. Maybe the next holiday.. September? I'm gonna remove my cbox. Stupid advertisements.. If you wanna comment on my blog just comment on my wall. Yah..
Peace out.